2013 NBA Playoff Predictions
The West
Rockets, Thunder
The Thunder win in 6
games. James Harden will torch the
Thunder the whole time; however, Westbrook and Durant will torch the Rockets
the whole time too. Omer Asik will
have to cover two people and Serge Ibaka will only have to cover one man. The Rockets get their two wins because
Harden goes off one game and system teams always earn an extra win (Jack
threes, run fast, aggressive switching, don’t settle for midrange shots).
Clippers, Grizzles
Memphis will win in 5
games. Memphis is just too tough
and has big men that have skill instead of brute retard strength. The biggest factor is going to be all
the 4 on 5 situations Memphis is placed in because Baby Blake and Dad Paul are
telling referees to “suck it” metaphorically. Chris Paul is a wizard though and wizards always win,
but they eventually run out of powers, so I give him enough power points to win
one game.
Spurs, Lakers
The Lakers win in 7. This is the upset series. I love Tim Duncan, but the uptick in
minutes against Dwight Howard is going to do damage to him. Eventually, Howard will have to be
double teamed which will lead to the new form of 1 in, 4 out ball: 1 in, 1 trying to get in, and 3
out. Pau Gasol is going to be
trying to get into the post but will honestly be stuck around the foul
line. This is going to help Howard
out by being an outlet pass to a smart man that can make the right pass to an
open three shooter. Pau Gasol is
going to systematically destroy Greg Popovich’s defensive rotations.
Calm down, I'm only dismantling Popovich |
Nuggets, Warriors
Nuggets win in 4 games. The Nuggets love to run. The Warriors
also loves to run. Do you remember
the shitty Warriors of last year?
They are the same team as this year, but they didn’t play defense by
slowing down their pace. The
Nuggets are going to turn this game into a race. The Nuggets know how to run this race while the Warriors
don’t. The Warriors are going to
trick themselves into losing.
The East, I don’t care about
them at all and haven’t really watched any of their games, can you tell?
Miami, Bucks
Miami will win in 4. LeBron James. LeBron James. LeBron James. Dwayne Wade. Shane
Battier. Ray Allen. Chris Anderson. This team feels like it is super
stacked because it is. It’s the
opposite of a feel good team of semi has beens (these are players I grew up
secretly loving, but feeling bad for loving) like the Mavericks that won in
2011 (Shawn Marion, Jason Kidd, JET).
Nets, Bulls
Bulls will win in 6
games. I can’t find a reason to
pick either of these teams. The
Nets have more superstar power sort of, but the Bulls have a precise system. Hopefully, Joakim Noah is back to stop
Brook Lopez. Otherwise, that paint
is going to open up like a malnourished bums mouth opens for booze. Brook Lopez will pour like Colt 45 into
that rim if Noah is out.
Knicks, Boston
Boston will hopefully win in
6. One time I tried to shave a
moustache like Carmelo Anthony’s.
You have to actually shave above your moustache. I felt like an asshole while I did this
and even looked like one afterwards.
What’s this have to do with anything you ask? I’m going to give Boston the benefit of any doubt I had
because Carmelo made me feel like an asshole that one time. Jeff Green can cover Carmelo Anthony,
while Paul Pierce can pick apart the Knicks defense. I’ve watched some of the Knicks game and their defense is
weird because they cover the paint and the three line. They don’t get suckered into covering
the worst shot in the game, the midrange jumper. That’s the shot the Celtics make coincidently. The Celtics defense is also very solid
with no weak people aside from Jet.
Pacers, Atlanta
The Pacers will win in
4. I haven’t watched much of
either of these teams, but I know that Roy Hibbert is a defensive beast along
with the rest of that team.
Atlanta was good for two streaks if my memory is right, but I don’t
trust Josh Smith or Al Horford.
They may be better than their opposing Pacer counterparts, but they
aren’t pick apart a whole defense better.
Conference Finals
Predictions:
West:
Nuggets, Thunder
East:
Miami, Pacers